mirrored

Lately I've been feeling quite nostalgic. guatemala has been weighing heavily on my mind and I am missing it immensely. Sometimes it just takes sitting down and focusing on reflecting for the emotions and feelings to come.... sometimes they stay buried below the surface, but sometimes... they flow quite freely. I have found that the right music often helps bring these feelings out. Currently, regina spektor's human of the year song... specifically at minute 1:57... is helping me to release some of this... it's such a beautiful little insert to this song... it's quickly become one of my favorite pieces ever. Anywho, enough of the staging to this post.... I can't really explain it fully, but I just feel like a piece of me is still in Guatemala.... Ithink about my sponsor child, Leidy, every day. I feel so lucky to know people who are in Guatemala that can ease my mind a bit; they update me on the happenings and allow me to feel connected to the world down there. For instance, two specific experienes in the last weeks have delighted me. Someone from the office in Bismarck recently visited Guatemala and spontaneously took a picture of Leidy and her family. After having a brief conversation with her, she sent me the picture... which made my day... Leidy was featured with a huge smile on her face...wearing the tank top I sent her only weeks before. Her smile is pure radiancy and I just adore that little girl. Here is the picture I received...



Another connection to guatemala has allowed me to get daily updates regarding Leidy and what's going on with her each day. A fellow NDSU grad is living and volunteering down in Antigua and after asking him to keep tabs on leidy, he's had consistent conversations with her on a near daily basis. I asked him to seek her out and give her a hug from me whenever possible. He shares with me, their conversations and how she's doing. I love having that connection to her and having her know that I am thinking about her every day. I am awaiting the response to what her favorite subject in school is and what her favorite color is. I can't wait to see her in May when I get to travel down again. I have also been unable to quench my desire to learn more about guatemala and the atrocious history the country and its people have endured. I have a new sense of understanding for what these people have lived through and more fully understand the struggles and barriers that have been purposefully placed to inhibit their growth and success as a country. The fact that our country has played such an integral and awful role in this history often leaves me ashamed to identify myself as an american. it's difficult to identify with a country that has had so little grace for other nations and its people.

in the last weeks I have been focusing more on my thesis... and i have fallen under the spell of mr. paulo freire. now, i know that he has his critiques, and I am well aware of that. but, for the first time in my life, i read a piece of literature that named something for me. banking education and the release from it allowed me to feel like the feelings i have toward the education system are legitimate and that the work i'm trying to do is founded in deeper theoretical research. it puts a smile on my face to be able to tie my love of social justice with my love of education and the teaching of a critical pedagogy. i am so excited to have been able to tie these things together for my thesis and to really feel like i am furthering my self development. i think people are often writing a thesis to get a piece of paper... i am writing a thesis to discover more about myself and what i can do to further my pursuit in life. . . it's truly been a great experience thus far and i can't wait to see where it leads me as i continue to move forward.

even though this semester has been crazy with the number of obligations i have commited myself to, i have fully impressed myself with my ability to stick to a routine. i have been running 3-5 times a week ( in the MORNING... for those of you who know me... you understand what a feat this is!). I can't tell you how much I love returning from a good long run in the morning and drinking my cup of coffee to prep for a long day of teaching, learning, reading and working. It's really been a piece of the puzzle that has made me feel much more human. It's true... running is addicting.

there's just been so much going on and i know that i have dropped the ball on the blog. reflecting on things is often just cumbersome to think about.... but, i am trying to devote more time to thinking about all that is going on.

for now, i must be off to delve into the world of social theory....